Listening Skills - who needs them?

Practitioners of all kinds - anyone who works with people, such as customers, clients, patients - parents and carers.

It is my view that listening skills are one of the most needed and often misunderstood abilities of our time. How often do we really listen to each other? In such a way that the other person feels heard and understood? More often, we are already thinking about what we want to say, before the other person has finished speaking. Or perhaps you are touched in some way by what the person has said, and you do not know how to respond appropriately.

What are the benefits of developing your listening skills? One is that you become more present. Before I learned these listening skills, I would get anxious and uncomfortable is someone was telling me they had a problem, for instance if they or a family member had to go to hospital because they are ill. I would not know what to say, and so I got confused and could not listen properly. That meant that I could not hear very well and missed what the person was saying. As I was learning these skills I realised how much I missed what people were saying. I felt I had 'cloth ears' and I couldn't hear.

Now, through learning and practising these listening skills. I can hear what people are saying, and what is more, I can understand what the words they are using, actually mean. In this context, with this set of words, feelings and gestures, the words convey a specific, personal meaning. If I can catch the meaning and respond appropriately, the person can feel heard, accepted and understood, just as they are, without criticism or judgement.

This has enormous benefits for the people around you. They no longer need to feel defensive. They can open up and be 'who they really are' when they are with you. For instance a student of mine commented that their partner had said how much a better partner and a nicer person they are, since they started the course!

Listening skills enable you to have better relationships with
family members
friends
work colleagues
employees
employers
anyone you come into contact with
customers
clients
and of course, yourself

How often do you really listen to yourself? Or do you tend to ignore your troublesome feelings, hoping they will go away. Sometimes they do, but at other times there will be feelings that grumble away, and even get to 'screaming pitch' before you take any notice of them. If you listen, even just for a few minutes, it can be enough for them to settle, release or change into the way they need to be, without you doing anything to make them go away.

Other benefits of listening to yourself include developing your intuition. Do you ever get gut feelings or subtle promptings when you sense that something is not right? Through developing your listening skills you become more intuitive and responsive to these subtle promptings. A student is using this ability while deciding which house to buy.

Focusing listening skills are very specific. They are based on research of what actually works. A key component is that it relies on following what is said, without assumptions or judgement.

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